Matrescence: The Journey to Motherhood
Today, in 5 minutes or less, you will learn
Understanding Matrescence: What this term is and how it applies to motherhood
Navigating Emotional and Physical Changes: What these might look like and how you can work through them to become a more connected and present mother
Building Support Networks and Self-Care Strategies: Practical tips for managing the complexities of motherhood
Becoming a mother is often portrayed as a singular, magical moment when a woman transforms into a nurturing caregiver. But let’s be real—the reality is so much more complex and nuanced. This transformation is called "matrescence," a term that perfectly captures the multifaceted journey into motherhood. It's similar to adolescence in its profound impact on identity and life. For many of us, matrescence reflects the experiences of feeling overwhelmed and exhausted while navigating our new roles. Yet, we're only just now starting to understand and recognise this powerful transition. Knowing there's a term for the changes when we become a mother helps us accept the new 'us.'
What is Matrescence?
Matrescence is a term coined by medical anthropologist Dana Raphael in the 1970s. It describes the physical, psychological, and emotional changes that women undergo as they become mothers. Unlike the widely recognised transition of adolescence, matrescence is often overlooked, leaving many mothers feeling isolated and misunderstood as they grapple with their new identity.
Much like adolescence, matrescence involves a redefinition of the self. It encompasses the hormonal shifts, emotional fluctuations, and social role changes that accompany the arrival of a child. This period can be as disorienting as it is transformative, marked by a sense of losing one’s previous identity while simultaneously gaining a new one.
The Emotional Landscape of Matrescence
The emotional rollercoaster that defines matrescence can be overwhelming. Feelings of joy, love, and fulfilment are often intertwined with fear, anxiety, and a profound sense of loss. Many mothers struggle with the expectation that they should be instantly and exclusively fulfilled by motherhood, which can lead to feelings of inadequacy and guilt when this isn't the case.
The Physical Changes
Matrescence also involves significant physical changes, from pregnancy through postpartum recovery. These changes can affect a mother's body image and self-esteem. The societal pressure to "bounce back" quickly after childbirth only adds to the stress, making it difficult for mothers to appreciate and accept their postpartum bodies.
Understanding that these changes are part of a natural process can help mothers be more compassionate towards themselves. Embracing the body’s transformation as a testament to its strength and capability can shift the perspective from criticism to appreciation.
Social Role Transformation
Motherhood brings about a fundamental shift in a woman's social roles and responsibilities. Balancing these new roles with pre-existing ones, such as being a partner, professional, or friend, can be daunting. The lack of societal recognition for the complexity of matrescence often leaves mothers without the necessary support and understanding from their communities.
Building supportive networks helps to share the load that mothers face with this transformation. It is crucial for mothers to seek out and establish these connections, whether through family, friends, or community groups. Sharing experiences and challenges with others who are on a similar journey can provide invaluable emotional support and practical advice.
Navigating Matrescence with Confidence
Understanding and acknowledging matrescence is the first step towards navigating it with confidence. It is crucial for mothers to give themselves permission to experience and express the full range of emotions that come with this transition. Seeking support, whether through coaching, therapy, or community groups, can provide much-needed validation and guidance.
Embracing the Journey
Matrescence is a profound and ongoing journey, one that reshapes a woman's identity and life. By embracing this journey with compassion and support, mothers can navigate the challenges and joys of motherhood with greater resilience and clarity. Here are some practical tips to help you with the transition.
Acknowledge Your Feelings: Recognise that it’s normal to have a wide range of emotions. Give yourself permission to feel without judgment. You are going through something big and you are not alone.
Prioritise Self-Care: Make time for activities that nurture your well-being. This could be as simple as taking a few moments to breathe deeply, enjoying a hobby, or taking a walk. As mothers, this is the last thing that we end up doing, but it is the most important step in reclaiming some of the independence that we feel we lose once our baby comes along, especially in those early years when it is all consuming.
Build a Support Network: Connect with other mothers who understand what you’re going through. Join local or online groups where you can share experiences and find support. Humans are wired for connection, therefore isolating ourselves goes against our fundamental human need. It can be difficult to reach out when we are feeling alone, but connection helps us to feel more ‘normal’ with the transition we go through.
HOT TIP: joining the Motherhood Embraced community on the ‘gram is a great place to start 😉Communicate Openly: Talk about your feelings and challenges with your partner, family, or close friends. Honest communication can foster understanding and support. This in turn helps you to feel seen, heard and understood. Sometimes it’s not easy to reach out to those closest to us for fear of judgment or ridicule, but these can be the best people to support us.
If you don’t feel ready yet to speak up to those closest to you, joining the Motherhood Embraced community on the ‘gram is one way to start feeling understood.Set Realistic Expectations: Understand that it’s okay not to have everything figured out. Set small, achievable goals and celebrate your progress. I was recently reminded that you don’t run a marathon the day after you decide to do it without first having trained! You need to get your body ready with exercise and nutrition, and build up the muscle strength and endurance. Motherhood is the same! We can’t expect to achieve a full list of tasks in our day if we haven’t first built some smaller, achievable daily practices that we then build on as time goes on. This helps to reduce our overwhelm but also feel like we are achieving something.
Celebrate Small Wins: Acknowledge and celebrate the small victories in your day-to-day life. These moments of success can boost your confidence and morale. Shifting our focus to the positives helps to train our brains to look for the good things in our lives rather than honing in on the negatives, which only make us feel like we’re failing or not good enough. This could be something you do at the end of each day in your journal, or when you hop into bed before you turn the light off.
They say that knowledge is power, and it certainly helps to know that there is a term for the transition we go through when we become mothers and it’s not just all in our heads! This understanding is our starting point to then begin to shift how we view ourselves and mothers and embrace motherhood. I teach and support women on this journey through the Motherhood Embraced program, which you can find out more about over here.
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